Round 1
For the last thirty years, M-----'s gait has been gradually
slowing under an accruing burden of recollection and regret.
Fifteen years ago he walked at half normal speed.  Today,
while shambling tediously across an intersection, he is
about to stop forever, right in front of oncoming traffic. 

For ten points
make a sort of nervous, almost spasmodic gesture commenting on his fate. 

Round 2
Through no fault of your own, you have become enmeshed in
a hideous bureaucratic spiral.  It started with some
mysterious billing errors, and escalated through a collection
agency, harrassment, a trial, and now jail. 

For ten points
give up all hope of extricating yourself from this situation.
 

Challenge Round
The isolated village of S-- P------ is ruled by a local
dictator.  The villagers submit to his rule because they
have no concept of any other form of government and no
knowledge of any political entity larger than themselves.
On the other hand, the government of the country containing
the village had thoroughly forgotten about it--until you, a
lowly revenue clerk, unearthed records indicating that the
village hasn't paid taxes in nearly a century.  The government
sends you to the village along with another clerk, a strange
man named R---- from a different department.  You have seen
him around the office occasionally, but have never worked
with him.  When you arrive at S-- P------, the villagers
treat you like gods, but you are disturbed by R----'s
disdainful and abusive attitude towards them.  Finally,
you gain an audience with the local dictator, but for some
reason he orders you thrown in jail, while he elevates
R---- to become his right-hand man.  After a few days living
on moldy bread and foul water, you are led out to the hot,
dusty village square, where you, along with dozens of other
villagers, are tied to makeshift whipping posts and beaten
severely.  As your life slowly ebbs, you begin to realize
that the sadistic laughter of the man beating you is that
of R----. 

For twenty points
resign yourself to a miserable death at his hands.
 

Bonus Round 

Using the sheet of paper in front of you, write a three-
hundred word letter to your father.  Carry the letter
in your breast pocket for sixteen years, during which time
do not visit your father or return his increasingly
desperate and pathetic calls.  Then, when you learn from
your haggard, anorexic sister that he is on his deathbed,
burn the letter and hang yourself.

close this window